29 marzo 2007

¡YA TENEMOS MANIFIESTO!


MANIFIESTO ANARCOSURREALISTA

En efecto. Somos anarquistas. Anarquistas de nuestro propio anarquismo, surrealistas de nuestro anarquismo y viceversa. Y todo lo contrario. Somos anticasitodo pero estamos a favor de ello.

Nos consideramos punkis sin cresta, sin ropa parcheada o con tachuelas, y no nos metemos drogaína como speed, coca, caca, coca-cola o metacafeína.
Nos consideramos asimismo hippies, unos tenemos el pelo largo y otros lo tenemos corto, amamos a Yoko Ono, los colorines, los Peta Zetas y vestimos como nos da la gana.
Y la canción Imagine nos parece exquisita.
Nos consideramos pijos antimarquistas. Osea, que nos va el rollo cantidubi-chachi-guay. ¿Porque ser pijo es rollo cantidubi-chachi-guay, no tia?
Somos punkis antipunkis, somos hippies antihippies, somos pijos antipijos, somos anticontradictorios. Pero lo somos.

Ideas para un mundo mejor. ¡Ja!
El más anarcosurrealista y antisistema no es aquel que lleva una camiseta de SKA-P, ni de Exploited ni de Durruti. Lo son si la llevan de la Pantoja o de Rocío Jurado, Belén Esteban con su hija o Enrique Iglesias.
No es más anarcosurrealista el que más piedras le caben en la mano o que menos parte de la cara dejan ver, ocultada bajo pasamontañas. No es más anarcosurrealista el que más rastas lleva(si estan ubicadas en la entrepierna sera sometido a votación), ni el que tiene un perro con más pulgas, ni el que se sabe más nombres de cantautores afiliados al PCE, ni el que come solo fruta y macarrones.

¿Quiere usted ser un anarcosurrealista antisistema de verdad?
Siga estas recomendaciones:

1. Jamás reconozcas ser antisistema. Anarcosurrealista si, por orgullo.
1.a) Fomenta los valores tradicionales: Familia, fe, progreso,...
2. Trabaja de lo que puedas (si lo necesitas, claro). Hasta los anarcosurrealistas necesitan financiación.
3. Nunca hagas nada que esté de moda y, sobre todo, nunca hagas nada calificado de “alternativo”. Ni reconozcas que no haces lo que está de moda ni lo que se considera como “alternativo”.
3. a) Nunca dejes de hacer algo que quieres hacer por que este de moda o porque se considere alternativo.
4. Nunca asistas a eventos culturales promovidos por las Instituciones. O sí.
5. Falta el cinco.
6. Procura asistir con frecuencia a eventos culturales no promovidos por nadie. O no.
7. Debes tener televisión en casa pero nunca veas la televisión. Si tienes dos y de pantalla Zaplana mejor.
8. Nunca alardees de no ver la televisión o de no conocer personajes del corazón pues son éstos los que llevan la marcha de la economía mundial.
9. El teléfono móvil tiene que ser de última generación, con bluetooh y con mp3, y sólo usarlo como medio de trabajo.
10. Utiliza sólo Internet y el correo tradicional como medios de comunicación.
11. Come lo que te de la gana. Los animales están deliciosos.
12. Actualmente, el sistema es anglosajón. Así que debes aborrecer cualquier cosa de origen o procesada por el mundo anglosajón, la música incluida. Pero tienes que saber inglés y por supuesto ser cliente habitual del Corte Inglés, cuantos mas corticoles tengas, mas ascenderás en la jerarquía surrealista.
13. No leas libros de moda. Lee libros con años de solera. A ser posible que el autor esté muerto. También valen el Muy Interesante, el Qué! o el Hola.
14. Realiza tus desplazamientos en bicicleta o a pie. Utiliza tu coche de forma excepcional (no olvides cogerlo el “día sin coches”) pero nunca te desplaces con medios supuestamente “alternativos” como el skate, los patines x-treme, tu bicicleta BMX o la baticao.
15. Aquí nada.
16. Todos los eventos multitudinarios (incluidas las manifestaciones antisistema) son para la masa. La masa es el mejor aliado del sistema. Seamos masa antimasa.
17. Cuando haya elecciones, haz lo que quieras, estás en un Estado de Derecho.
La FAS ya ideará algo como meter publicidad de cerrajeros, meter talco del que pica y que ponga ántrax o cocaina 93% de pureza o simplemente se presentará a las propias elecciones en coalición con los carlistas.
18. Ten cero hijos o más de tres, planta un árbol y escribe un manifiesto.
19. Estudia materias de muy dudosa salida profesional. Sigue estudiando aunque hayas alcanzado tus metas profesionales. Vive de tus padres hasta que puedas vivir de tus hijos, y si no tienes, aprovecha tu árbol, que para algo lo plantaste.
20. Viaja a países de los que te pregunten: “¿Y qué hay en ese sitio?” "¿Cómo decías que se llamaba?"
21. Mantén una estética discreta. La corbata es más antisistema que las rastas. El “uniforme antisistema” es lo más pro-sistema que hay.
22. El ecologismo es un problema de ricos. Los campesinos del Amazonas o del Congo Central no piensan en las generaciones futuras. Les preocupa que sus hijos puedan comer hoy. Aún así, poseer un carnet de Greenpeace y comer lechugas es sinónimo de buena gente.
23. Los indigentes son parte del sistema. Los indígenas no, ya no existen.
24. Los drogadictos son parte del sistema (La LSD, cualquier tipo de hongo, la ayahuasca, la salvia divinorum, la mescalina, la cerveza y la absenta no son drogas en ningún caso) al igual que los camellos.
25. Cualquier “tribu” con denominación propia es parte del sistema. Menos la F.A.S.
26. Los autodenominados antisistema, también son parte del sistema.
27. Obligatorio tener iPod o reproductor mp3. Los cassettes pasaron de moda. Sólo son joyas expuestas en las gasolineras. Pero si eres negro, llevas gorra hacia atrás y juegas al baloncesto en el Bronx entonces, sí, tu puedes llevar cassette al hombro y ver el principe de Bel Air o de Beukelaer.
28. Se escribe con todas las letras, con signos de puntuación, con interrogaciones y exclamación también al principio, con tildes, Clotilde, escribir mal sólo es alternativo para pijos y bakalas como nosotros.
29. Incluso los terroristas son parte del sistema. ¡Oh! ¡No! ¡Somos parte del sistema!
73. Sólo la F.A.S no es parte del sistema. Bueno sí y no, depende de la cantidad de esporas inhaladas.
30. Santificarás las siestas.
31. El 97% de los barbudos son (somos) buena gente.
32. Ten siempre presente que el mayor daño que puedes causar al sistema es no consumir(absténganse Simagos, Prycas y Almacenes Preciados).
33. Haz lo que te dé la gana y déjate de manifiestos y manifiestas.

Si a todo el mundo se le ocurriera actuar de acuerdo con lo apuntado, puede que hundiéramos el sistema o por el contrario creariamos una tierra de Jauja increíblemente chachi. Depende de ti.


Firman los Fundadores de la F.A.S:

* César Augustus Clítoris Cubensis

* Nabucodonosor Pérez

* Jor$e&Banana

* Ramonpis

53 comentarios:

Anónimo dijo...

Hoy es un gran día. Como lo fue ayer y como lo será esta noche.
Definitivamente hemos nacido, y no nos han dado ningun azote todavía. Ni nos lo darán.
De vez en cuando un pellizquito en en culo nos llevaremos, pero quien nos lo dé, se hundirá en una piscina inmensa de gelatina de piña. Y luego, con gelatina en los alveolos y en el epidídimo, será catapultado al espacio interestelar y estará flotando y descomponiéndose por la eternidad de los tiempos, hasta que acabado ya el tiempo, caiga en un planeta cuyos mares sean de ácido sulfúrico y se lo coman sus seres de cuatro bocas y dos penes. Amén.

Anónimo dijo...

Hoy es el mañana por el que ayer suspirabamos.
La FAS ha nacido, un parto con pocas complicaciones ya que los fundadores solemos ir estreñidos por ausencia de fibras que faciliten el momento AllBran, pero eso es otro asunto que trataremos con mayor profundidad y ahinco otro dia, o no.
La FAS ha nacido y con ella, una Federacion tan diferente a todo lo demas ya existente que es extremadamente parecido.
Nos gusta la juerga y los Gnomos, sobre todos los que viven en ruedas y fuman en pipa, ellos sin duda si que saben.

Por todo esto y por muchas otras cosas (en realidad no hay nada mas, pero parezco mucho mas interesante diciendolo) por la Gracia de la FAS Yo Nabucodonosor Perez firmo el manifiesto y le deseo una larga vida a la Federacion Anarco-Surrealista

Anónimo dijo...

Hoy es. Y eso ya sirve para regocijarme. Aunque también me sabe a fruta fresca haber sido invitada/sugerida/animada a ser partícipe de esta federación, sin duda necesaria, a la que auguro un futuro prometedor.
Aunque yo tenga menos acción que las películas de Sofía Coppola (ni que decir tiene que no he pasado del punto número 9 del manifiesto), de verdad que me siento honrada de firmar aquí y proclamo que intentaré poner mi grano de la barbilla, que me sobran unos cuantos, a este movimiento anarquista, surrealista y federacional.

Gracias.

Bueno, en realidad no.

Anónimo dijo...

Hay hay hay q sabrosona q es la vida señores/as/os/us/oak.

Efectivamente Ha nacido la FAS.Que cosa mas bonita que hemos parido verdad? Pesó exactamente 11 octavillas con sus 30 dedos de paseo.

Y hemos de recordar que las generaciones venideras(si es que las hay), estudiaran(si es que estudian)la increible influencia de nuestra federacion(si es que federa)sobre la historia de principios de siglo equisequispalito.D.C

¡ Qué pimientos ! estudiaran q a partir de este día comenzaron a su nuevo calendario. Por eso hoy se inicia un nuevo calendario...
Para le gante guay hoy es 1-01-01 del 0001 D. FAS.


Pues lo dicho, que lo pasaremos bien,que aceptamos berberechos y que se nos podrá ver por cualquier sitio,garito,mani,botellón,concierto,pelea de gallos y espectáculos cómico-taurinos en general.

Muxos anarkobesitos a todos y en especial a Chuck Norris,que he de admitir que su actuación matinal del capítumlo de Walker Texas Ranger de hoy me ha maravillado.

Agur gur

Anónimo dijo...

Por fin el santo dia llegó, y con él, nuevas perspectivas futurescas que daran mucho de que hablar y poco que contar.

Arriba la FAS señores!

Oficialmente ya existe la FAS y todos hemos sido participes de ello por lo que me place comunicarles que es un dia mitico en nuestra historia y que merece su citacion en el calendario pirelli.

Arriba el 29 de marzo señoritas!

Una ultima aportacion desde tierras lejanas:

donde esta buñuel.
faltan cosas en el manifiesto.
mi nombre es ramonpis.
10 de agosto dia mundial del sanjacobo.
siempre que se dirijan a mi quiero un prefijo tal como Don, SSMM, M.r. o Sindicato Lab.
gracias.

Anónimo dijo...

Primera escisión en la FAS.

Mi decisión es irrevocable: No solo abandono la FAS, sino que voy a crear mi propia Federación Anarco Surrealista. Autodenominada FAES Federación Anarco Española Surrealista.

Tan solo las siglas dan el buen rollo necesario

Anónimo dijo...

Para cuando al accion.

Anónimo dijo...

Dejo caer, ilustres compañeros, que debemos reunirnos pronto y entablar lo que vienen siendo las acciones gamberras de esta organizacion sin animo de pulcro.
Un saludo desde trafalgar escuer.

Anónimo dijo...

Suena bien esa unión llamda FAS, pues he estado leyendo...algunos aspectos me han gustado mucho, cierto es. Pero creo que no sereis mas que un grupo de personas, que si, iran en contra o a favor de algo, antisistema o dejarse de sistemas y hacer lo que os plazca, si, en eso yo estoy de acuerdo...pero todo esto son tonterias...mas importante es aportar algo en este mundo, me refiero a que cada uno debemos mejorarlo...uno mas que otros,pero todos con un poco de aportación...eso es lo importnte i no eso de que hay que ir en contra o hay que ser asi o de otra forma...eso le llamo yo perder el tiempo.
hay que avanzar y siempre junto a la libertad, tal y como la FAS anuncia...resumiendo mi opinion que se que no os importa es que arriba la FAS, pero dejad la parte rebelde, hace falta actuar con cortesía

Anónimo dijo...

Es chachiguachipirulí el blog jajajaja a ver que tal os va con la FAS, de momento no puede pintar (rayas y cuadros) mejor.
Mucha Suerte

Anónimo dijo...

No me presento porque soy impresentable.
Ingrese en vuestras filas recientemente bajo una manta gélida de punzantes bolitas, alla en los barrizales mas reconditos donde pude llegar con mi burra.
La bienvenida no fue calida, encerrandome de inmediato, como bestia desalmada que soy, en una jaula, bajo el intenso chaparron.
Asi conocí la unica, la verdadera la inigualable etc FAS y ya sabeis: el estilismo de hoy se convertirá en el juanetismo de mañana. FAS olé

Anónimo dijo...

Acabo de encontrarles, justo cuando no pude encontrar mi propio manifiesto anti sistema, pero esta bien, solo recordemos que no debemos hacer esto, ni aquello, sino todo lo contrario. Es lo mas parecido a nosotros mismos. Casi.

Anónimo dijo...

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